A journey through a lost diary

I still remember you used your first salary to buy me that ice cream necklace. I was touched, because I never thought you would do something like that. All the things you bought me, made me realize how good you knew my taste. However, gifts are never enough to retain a friendship.
They say we will always have a weakness for our exes, but the same goes for ex-BFFs. You can never really hate them, although they are not your best friends anymore, unless they are bitches. I knew we were different, and that was why liked you in the first place. I always preferred people who were different, because I would have gotten bored easily otherwise. However, at this moment I have to admit that my friends have more in common than I thought. Moreover, I have to admit that I am more Asian than I want to be. It is not because my parents want me to be like this. It is just how I am. And I know better than anybody else what kind of people suit me best. Giving up on you was because we were too different.

Sometimes I don’t understand why some people are so nice to me. Why do you want a homework date so badly? It isn’t that I don’t like you, because you have helped me a lot lately. It is just the fact that I haven’t done anything for you, but you are still so sweet to me. How did this all even start? I can’t remember myself trying to be kind to you. I was just acting casual.

I think it has been a while that I hugged someone out of excitement. Why? Because she keeps telling me that I am nice and cute. Okay, I don’t really like the cute part, but according to her, there are two kinds of Asians: Cute Asian and just Asian. If you say it this way, then I am rather the cute Asian. I hate being called cute, since I don’t try to be cute. Gosh, I am twenty, a little bit to old for being cute, don’t you think? Anyways, the part I liked was that she kept saying I was nice, since I wasn’t trying to be nice. I was just being normal. It is just funny that the girl, who seemed so arrogant in the beginning, is the one who keeps helping me. Financial, schoolwork, tips and a lot of useful information. Is being me just all I have to do? I miss being me, but I have noticed that everything is coming back now. I felt smart at school today, because a teacher noticed I knew a lot and kept pointing at me. Okay, two times only, but it is much compared to nothing. Again, it feels good to being noticed without trying to be noticed. It was a good start. I want to start studying for my next exam already. I am thankful for all the thoughtful people around me. Without them, my life would be hell. Or at least less pleasant. Because then, I had to try my best to draw people’s attention, which I truly don’t like. Thank you.

You remember when you were a little girl, you had imagined how your dream guy would be? Everything. But then you grew up and thought they would never appear, because they simply didn’t exist. You were just being naive.

Until a day, you realize they do exist. Someone who remembers what you love to eat, so that he can order your drink already. Okay, in real life it turned out to be a little bit different, since I don’t always want the same food. Just saying: No, I don’t want pizza; and he listens and is willing to order something else but pizza, while he actually wants pizza. “You can order pizza, if you want to eat pizza.” I had to say it because I felt guilty. I just never thought I would get to hear: “No, it is not necessary.”
There are so many thoughtful guys, if you are willing to look around. They are not perfect, but considerate in their own way. A guy who probably won’t remember what you love, but he never breaks his promises. Who would you prefer? Who is more considerate? But most of all, what does being thoughtful mean, if you don’t feel special anyway?